Help For Compulsive Buyers

One hidden problem in our society is how people impulsively buy things to feel better about themselves. Overspending is a form of self-medication to address inner feelings of low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or a sense of inner emptiness. It is a symbolic nurturing of oneself.

If a person has this problem, what can he or she do to correct it? My answers come from psychologists Faye Girsh of San Diego, CA; Jerrold Pollak of Providence, RI; Bonnie Kin of King of Prussia, PA and consumer behavior expert Ronald Faber of Minneapolis, MN.

Recognize the problem. Overspending is not a rational activity. It is tied to emotions, interpersonal relationships and feelings about oneself. A previous column highlighted the telltale signs of an overspending problem. If you missed it, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to Overspending, The Preston Connection, P0 Box 1225, Rapid City SD 57702. Knowing about and acknowledging the problem puts you well on your way to solving it.

Strategies for controlling spending. If use and abuse of credit cards have contributed to the problem, snip up the cards and use cash for spending. Eliminating ready reserve from checking accounts may help overspenders deal with the reality of cash on hand instead of "buy-now-pay later" logic.

Get credit counseling if financial problems are overwhelming. You have a problem if your debt exceeds 20 percent of your spendable income. If your debt to spendable income ratio reaches 30 percent, you are in debt way over your head.

Make a budget to live strictly within your means. Identify the things you really want, develop a plan for purchasing them and stick to your plan. Delay purchases until they make sense within your budget. Take pride and satisfaction in the planning and accomplishment of goals.

• Shop in moderation. Shop from a list. Buy one thing at a time. Keep a shopping diary. Record your purchases and how you felt at the time you made the purchase. Learn to identify your moods and how they relate to impulsive buying. Shop with someone who is aware your spending problem and will be supportive of your efforts to change. Staying away from problem situations such as malls or favorite stores may be important until your behavior is under control.

• Substitute other activities. You have to replace the high you get from buying with another activity that is reinforcing. Instead of going to a store, find another activity that gives you pleasure. Activities like taking walks, visiting a friend, reading a book, doing a project or working on a hobby are positive and healthy substitutes.

• Be culturally aware. All the experts emphasized the importance of gaining an appreciation of cultural and environmental pressures that relate to impulsive overspending. People with addictive-like spending problems need to be aware of cues that trigger their behavior. They need to develop sophistication in analyzing advertisements and their appeal. Store layout, the behavior of salespeople, the bombardment of consumer messages and a myriad of other media influences encourage spending.

• Consider counseling. A professional counselor can help you examine the underlying causes and feelings involved in overspending. These might include emotional deprivation stemming from childhood, lack of social connectedness in current relationships, unhappy marital problems, low self-esteem, boredom or other issues resulting in a depressed mood.  

Counseling will focus on personal values that are being obscured by materialism, a need for attention and approval, and sheer busyness. The world doesn't begin and end with material things. Develop confidence that who you are is good enough. You don't need to buy love or attention.

Often a spouse is angry or doesn't trust the overspender. Joint counseling helps them gain an understanding of the disorder and encourages positive support. Some goals might include improving the quality of the marital relationship as well as improving cooperation and coordination with money management. Getting a nurturing, loving feeling back in the relationship will certainly help.

Make agreements to end the secrecy and dishonesty connected with covering up this problem. Earn back the trust of your partner.

Self-help groups such as Debtors Anonymous, Shopaholics Limited or Spender Menders can also offer support and honest discussion of overspending problems.